Here comes the hard part.
The beginning.
Where do I start, when every time I think about your name, an ocean pours into existence,
Waves of moments laughing, tears falling, hugs that I wished would last forever and kisses that dug the hole big enough to bury all the vindicating emotions crash into a shoreline filled with evenings spent lying tucked safely into his arms that wrap me away from life itself.
I'm torn between telling you that the smell of your skin still lingers on my pillow and I can't sleep without it filling my lungs completely and that every night for the last week Ive been dreaming of holding your hand because your fingers beat out a rhythm my heart keeps on repeat or starting off with just a hi...
Why is it so difficult to just write a casual note to you without becoming completely engulfed in the tiniest details of you like the way your eyes twinkle when you laugh, or the way you jump just to make me laugh and God knows the way you simply look standing just out of my reach watching the world around you sends me into a flat spin, maybe it's just the way you smell that keeps me coming back for more, like a starved beggar competing for a discarded scrap of your time.
I think I'm just going to stick with good old faithful and write Hello Raymond, I've fallen completely in love with your delicate, gentle soul that has enough space for the entire world to fit in and your heart that's managed to keep me so warm through even the toughest of winters.
Oh god I'm useless at this casual thing. He's going to think I'm completely bat suit crazy for writing paragraphs about the way his lips create electricity underneath my skin when they softly graze againt my neck and leave tiny sparks that fill the inky heavens at night.
You. Are. Horribly. Distracting.
I find my thoughts being dragged back to you like the waves residing back into the ocean they once came from when everyday I find something simply beautiful like the way the wind blows softly against the trees right outside my windows because I remeber how much you love a chilled breath kissing your skin on a day as breathtaking as you and thanks to your intoxicating games I won't ever be able to brush my teeth without just about choking on the toothpaste as the memory of you brushing my teeth replays in my head.
It's impossible to just write you something casual when my eyes brim with tears thinking about you whispering, "Liefste Chay..." Into my ear when your hands press our bodies closer together than the sheets and duvet that line the place I miss you the most.
I've never been worse at something I'm usually the best at, and it's all because of you. It's incredibly difficult for me to find a way to start telling you that I've been the most amazing person lately and it's soley due to your influence in my life that's introduced music beyond my wildest imagination to the blank sheet paper I thought was beautiful before. What words could I possibly string together that could begin to even slightly resemble the priceless pearls you've cultivated in my shell. Where to begin telling you that I'm falling. Drowning, in fact, in the emotions that swell like the tides in the ocean of my heart. You fill me with sunshine and grow flowers in my lungs, and even though they make it hard to breathe at times, I love to have something blooming inside of me that is nearly as wonderful as the sneaky kisses you give me when you think I'm sleeping.
Okay... So here it comes.
Just me, jumping into the deep end head first here...
The hard part.
The beginning.
Hi Babe ♡
I just wanted to let you know that iloveyouendlessly.
Hope you had a good day today and that I maybe crossed your mind once or twice because you haven't left mine since we last said goodbye.
Sunday, 16 November 2014
Saturday, 15 November 2014
Firestarter
You can't cheat me out of the words
You promised me.
Give you're everything and
Fall to your knees to pray for a
Little water to douce the
Flames you started today.
You started a fire and your
Choking on the fumes.
You started a fire and I hope your choking
On your words.
Everything you gave me,
Yeah, I'm throwing it to
The hungry ghosts calling
Out your shitty name.
All the tears that saturate
They fill me up
And away, away they ate.
You kept pushing my body
To the point of tearing
But now it's your hearts turn
To become the ripped ribbons
At the flames that burn.
It's all the chemicals you inhale
That started this fire.
You started a fire and your
Choking on the fumes.
You started a fire and I hope your choking
On your words.
No you can't cheat on me
Not one more time.
I'm stronger than you think
And your just the slime
That lines the gutters.
Take your chemicals
You're not my miricale anymore.
You started a fire and your
Choking on the fumes.
You started a fire and I hope your choking
On your words.
You promised me.
Give you're everything and
Fall to your knees to pray for a
Little water to douce the
Flames you started today.
You started a fire and your
Choking on the fumes.
You started a fire and I hope your choking
On your words.
Everything you gave me,
Yeah, I'm throwing it to
The hungry ghosts calling
Out your shitty name.
All the tears that saturate
They fill me up
And away, away they ate.
You kept pushing my body
To the point of tearing
But now it's your hearts turn
To become the ripped ribbons
At the flames that burn.
It's all the chemicals you inhale
That started this fire.
You started a fire and your
Choking on the fumes.
You started a fire and I hope your choking
On your words.
No you can't cheat on me
Not one more time.
I'm stronger than you think
And your just the slime
That lines the gutters.
Take your chemicals
You're not my miricale anymore.
You started a fire and your
Choking on the fumes.
You started a fire and I hope your choking
On your words.
Thursday, 23 October 2014
Hurting_The Tide
Hurt is like a poison,
It flows through your veins no matter how much you try to bleed it out.
It becomes an integral part of you
And reaks mass destruction wherever it goes.
It's in every breath you take and it consumes your every thought
As it clings onto your oxygen and moves slowly, painfully through your body.
Until it's infected every inch of you.
Soon smoke rings replace your halo and your wings turn grey.
It dulls the stars and the moonlight streaming through your windows doesn't seem as beautiful as it once appeared.
It floods your bedroom late at night and finds you
Awake during hours you're meant to be finding peace.
Eventually you're universe can only exist when the hurt does.
It will consume you. Completely. Wholely.
Like the tide it swallows your body and pulls you so far into its depths that you loose sight of land.
Hopelessness, lonliness, emptiness.
That's all you ever seems to locate and although they keep you a float for a little bit,
You're soon alone, struggling against a tide so strong that swimming seems pointless
And all the while the people that cause you hurt are standing on the shore line,
Screaming, "just swim!"
But you're body can't go on, and eventually you give in to the rhythmic pull,
The burning sensations creeping up on your skin,
In your throat,
In your lungs,
Suddenly
The struggle you felt to save yourself dissipates from your body
And a new blossom flowers deep inside the pits of your stomach
The struggle to just end it all
Because when swimming against the tide just becomes too much,
You eventually drown.
It flows through your veins no matter how much you try to bleed it out.
It becomes an integral part of you
And reaks mass destruction wherever it goes.
It's in every breath you take and it consumes your every thought
As it clings onto your oxygen and moves slowly, painfully through your body.
Until it's infected every inch of you.
Soon smoke rings replace your halo and your wings turn grey.
It dulls the stars and the moonlight streaming through your windows doesn't seem as beautiful as it once appeared.
It floods your bedroom late at night and finds you
Awake during hours you're meant to be finding peace.
Eventually you're universe can only exist when the hurt does.
It will consume you. Completely. Wholely.
Like the tide it swallows your body and pulls you so far into its depths that you loose sight of land.
Hopelessness, lonliness, emptiness.
That's all you ever seems to locate and although they keep you a float for a little bit,
You're soon alone, struggling against a tide so strong that swimming seems pointless
And all the while the people that cause you hurt are standing on the shore line,
Screaming, "just swim!"
But you're body can't go on, and eventually you give in to the rhythmic pull,
The burning sensations creeping up on your skin,
In your throat,
In your lungs,
Suddenly
The struggle you felt to save yourself dissipates from your body
And a new blossom flowers deep inside the pits of your stomach
The struggle to just end it all
Because when swimming against the tide just becomes too much,
You eventually drown.
Smeared Ink
My insecurities
They devour me
Slowly turning my body into ashes
Like the cigarettes i smoke
Am I destined to burn myself out
In a slow blaze of passion
That i know will kill me in the end.
Tearing at my frame
Crushing my ribs that are still
Locked and whole
But for how much longer?
My insecurities
They drown me
They hold me out to the crashing waves
Of sorrow
The master puppeteer
That pulls the strings of my life
And laughs as I tumble over the lines
Hooked deep within my burning flesh.
Bleeding black and writing in red
My blood like the spilled ink smeared over the pages of my diary
Is now smeared over me.
They devour me
Slowly turning my body into ashes
Like the cigarettes i smoke
Am I destined to burn myself out
In a slow blaze of passion
That i know will kill me in the end.
Tearing at my frame
Crushing my ribs that are still
Locked and whole
But for how much longer?
My insecurities
They drown me
They hold me out to the crashing waves
Of sorrow
The master puppeteer
That pulls the strings of my life
And laughs as I tumble over the lines
Hooked deep within my burning flesh.
Bleeding black and writing in red
My blood like the spilled ink smeared over the pages of my diary
Is now smeared over me.
Somber Stars are Overhead
Let us dance in the glittering moonlight.
Let's follow autumn leaves as they float towards a shimmering lake, caressed by fletches of white and silver.
A meeting point where the pale flicker of magic dances around the trunks of oaks and pine trees is where my eyes will catch yours in the softest embrace.
Can we kiss where the breeze touches the sky as the stars gaze down from their deep canvas of inky purple and night time blue.
A soft crackling of twigs and leaves afoot will lead us down to somewhere we can fall in love.
A soft whisper of your name will lead me to drown in you.
Let us go then to the spread of evening across a brook.
A soft whisper of water that softly dances across our faces.
Moving and painting us in a million different ways.
It sketches me a new identity as I get lost among the evergreen trees
Dancing in the whitening of the moons eyes
Watching it catch you and sweep you away to a stray place that I will never enter in your heart
Because with somber stars overhead
Who can tell us this isn't magic?
Let's follow autumn leaves as they float towards a shimmering lake, caressed by fletches of white and silver.
A meeting point where the pale flicker of magic dances around the trunks of oaks and pine trees is where my eyes will catch yours in the softest embrace.
Can we kiss where the breeze touches the sky as the stars gaze down from their deep canvas of inky purple and night time blue.
A soft crackling of twigs and leaves afoot will lead us down to somewhere we can fall in love.
A soft whisper of your name will lead me to drown in you.
Let us go then to the spread of evening across a brook.
A soft whisper of water that softly dances across our faces.
Moving and painting us in a million different ways.
It sketches me a new identity as I get lost among the evergreen trees
Dancing in the whitening of the moons eyes
Watching it catch you and sweep you away to a stray place that I will never enter in your heart
Because with somber stars overhead
Who can tell us this isn't magic?
Monday, 13 October 2014
My. Summer. Rain.
Your skinny kisses give my snowflake skin shivers
And as your hand softly slips into mine
My heart skips a beat when my breathing hitches
A single raindrop shattering against a hot sweaty street
You taste like summer rain and ciggarettes
Summer rain that surrounds me
Beating against the windows to my soul
You envelop me
I could get lost inside you.
You soak through the material I use to protect myself
From downpours like you,
That threaten to completely flood the alleyways inside the city of my heart.
Beautiful and glistening, your heavenly water
Courses through my veins.
It swallows the dead leaves that have been
Taking refuge inside of me,
Leafy boats of red and orange are dragged down the
Canals that threaten to flood.
Your water fills the holes in the cobblestone streets,
And leaves the famine stricken flora
Looking lively and green.
Your summer rain surrounds me,
It makes the walls of my body look rosy
And leaves my soul filled with flowers.
And that's what love is meant to be,
A summer rain
Over a restless sea.
And as your hand softly slips into mine
My heart skips a beat when my breathing hitches
A single raindrop shattering against a hot sweaty street
You taste like summer rain and ciggarettes
Summer rain that surrounds me
Beating against the windows to my soul
You envelop me
I could get lost inside you.
You soak through the material I use to protect myself
From downpours like you,
That threaten to completely flood the alleyways inside the city of my heart.
Beautiful and glistening, your heavenly water
Courses through my veins.
It swallows the dead leaves that have been
Taking refuge inside of me,
Leafy boats of red and orange are dragged down the
Canals that threaten to flood.
Your water fills the holes in the cobblestone streets,
And leaves the famine stricken flora
Looking lively and green.
Your summer rain surrounds me,
It makes the walls of my body look rosy
And leaves my soul filled with flowers.
And that's what love is meant to be,
A summer rain
Over a restless sea.
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