A Whiter Shade

My fingertips are numb. Numb and frozen, slowly turning a darker shade of purple with every minute that passes.

All I have with me are my thoughts, my memories and myself. I'm alone, with everything that I am. Nothing else matters anymore.

Its cold out here, but I hardly seem to notice. All I can focus on is the soft whispers of your voice, fading in and out of my war plagued mind. Your voice echos when I hear it, but is followed by a silence so heartbreaking, it would rip any soul into shreds. Any soul that wasn't already broken. Any soul but mine.

My heart feels as though its been ripped into shreds by the sharpest claws. Tattered pieces of cloth, hopelessly holding on by starved threads, grasping onto one another as though they were the last fibers of matter. The last pieces of life I could still posses.

When you left me, I felt so... Why did you go?

Why did you leave me alone, with this broken piece of flimsy life beating me black and blue from the inside out. I'm breathing but I feel dead. I'm feeling but inside I'm completely numb.

I'm sitting out here so that, if even for just a little bit, in a while, I can feel the same way I do outside as I do on the inside. The wind is licking at my cheeks like a hungry dog. I'm sure they're blood red by now. My lips feel as though they should be a whiter shade of the snow that is slowly falling from the dark sky. A whiter shade of death.

If heaven is in the sky, then why does the sky look like hell? The clouds are black and thick, and as far as I can see it looks as though the smoke from a the tormenting fires of hell have filled the air, and my lungs, and poisoned the beautiful blue horizon, and turned it grey and black. Grey. And. Black.

Grey and black seems to be everywhere, in my dreams, my heart, my thoughts. Everywhere.

If that's what heaven looks likes, even sometimes, why did you leave me?

You've always been the person I've needed the most, and now that your not at home to give me hugs, who else is going to be able to make me feel as safe as you did? Who else will be able to bring me even the slightest slithers of sunlight.

I just don't understand how you could have left. You know what I'm like. Only you understood how to help me when everything was getting worse. When the days were becoming colder and darker, outside and inside of me.



Its blinding white outside. But the snows gone, there's nothing on the ground.
The wind is so cold, I'm surprised those tall trees aren't moving at all...
Those clouds that were poisoning your heaven are also stealing the sunlight, but everywhere I look, it seems to be so bright.

How could you just let me leave, all alone.

Why didn't you fight harder so that I could stay, if even for just one more day.

Why did you let me die?
Why did you let me die?





Written for a friend who's Daddy has to go away for a while. I wrote this for her because I want her to know that I know what it feels like, and that I love and support her. Keep Staying Strong and Beautiful.

He'll be home soon. iloveyou.