the hardest part...

Here comes the hard part.
The beginning.

Where do I start, when every time I think about your name, an ocean pours into existence,
Waves of moments laughing, tears falling, hugs that I wished would last forever and kisses that dug the hole big enough to bury all the vindicating emotions crash into a shoreline filled with evenings spent lying tucked safely into his arms that wrap me away from life itself.

I'm torn between telling you that the smell of your skin still lingers on my pillow and I can't sleep without it filling my lungs completely and that every night for the last week Ive been dreaming of holding your hand because your fingers beat out a rhythm my heart keeps on repeat or starting off with just a hi...

Why is it so difficult to just write a casual note to you without becoming completely engulfed in the tiniest details of you like the way your eyes twinkle when you laugh, or the way you jump just to make me laugh and God knows the way you simply look standing just out of my reach watching the world around you sends me into a flat spin, maybe it's just the way you smell that keeps me coming back for more, like a starved beggar competing for a discarded scrap of your time.

I think I'm just going to stick with good old faithful and write Hello Raymond, I've fallen completely in love with your delicate, gentle soul that has enough space for the entire world to fit in and your heart that's managed to keep me so warm through even the toughest of winters.

Oh god I'm useless at this casual thing. He's going to think I'm completely bat suit crazy for writing paragraphs about the way his lips create electricity underneath my skin when they softly graze againt my neck and leave tiny sparks that fill the inky heavens at night.

You. Are. Horribly. Distracting.

I find my thoughts being dragged back to you like the waves residing back into the ocean they once came from when everyday I find something simply beautiful like the way the wind blows softly against the trees right outside my windows because I remeber how much you love a chilled breath kissing your skin on a day as breathtaking as you and thanks to your intoxicating games I won't ever be able to brush my teeth without just about choking on the toothpaste as the memory of you brushing my teeth replays in my head.

It's impossible to just write you something casual when my eyes brim with tears thinking about you whispering, "Liefste Chay..." Into my ear when your hands press our bodies closer together than the sheets and duvet that line the place I miss you the most.

I've never been worse at something I'm usually the best at, and it's all because of you. It's incredibly difficult for me to find a way to start telling you that I've been the most amazing person lately and it's soley due to your influence in my life that's introduced music beyond my wildest imagination to the blank sheet paper I thought was beautiful before. What words could I possibly string together that could begin to even slightly resemble the priceless pearls you've cultivated in my shell. Where to begin telling you that I'm falling. Drowning, in fact, in the emotions that swell like the tides in the ocean of my heart. You fill me with sunshine and grow flowers in my lungs, and even though they make it hard to breathe at times, I love to have something blooming inside of me that is nearly as wonderful as the sneaky kisses you give me when you think I'm sleeping.

Okay... So here it comes.
Just me, jumping into the deep end head first here...
The hard part.
The beginning.

Hi Babe ♡

I just wanted to let you know that iloveyouendlessly.

Hope you had a good day today and that I maybe crossed your mind once or twice because you haven't left mine since we last said goodbye.