Bailey Jacyne and Walls.

Walls: And as every single bad feeling I thought possible came crashing down upon me all at once like walls of the purest black upon an already injured animal, I saw a light in the darkness. It was a voice. The voice chased away all of the monsters creeping out of the walls and brought me back to the light. I owe this voice and the person behind it everything, even if they don’t believe they’ve really done a lot to help. She really has. I am her angel, and she is my wings.

Hullo! I'm Bailey. This is difficult to start, so I'm just going to write it as though I am writing personally to each of you who may read this. I guess I should start by saying that I live around Seattle, 10,230 miles from where Chay lives. The poem that I wrote (I know, it's crap) above is about the panic attack that I had in early December. It was extremely bad. I won't even go into detail because it's honestly painful to think about. Because it was at around roughly 2 am, Chay was the only person awake at the time. We were messaging on Whatsapp when it started and the only reason why I didn't simply run outside until I passed out on the sidewalk was because I needed wifi to talk to her. She was able to keep me relatively calm by sending me voice messages. I guess I'm kind of writing this for Chay to read as well... I just want her to know how much she means to me. She doesn't believe that she's helped me as much as I've helped her, but she really has. Without even trying, honestly. All that she's done is shown me that I'm worth caring about. That's all I've ever really needed. At the moment, I'm just typing whatever pops into my head. Um.. I guess that I could say being with Chay has made me want to be a better person. I was never really a bad guy, I guess. I just had issues with.. control. I lost myself to my anger much too often (mainly with my family) and I would slip into a state of depression almost every night. Being with Chay, though, I'm honestly pretty happy most of the time. I'm still just writing whatever comes to mind so I'm sorry if this sounds like I'm an idiot or whatever. I also want anyone with depression or who is suicidal or who intentionally hurts themselves or more than one of the above to know that there are people out there who care and who are willing to try to help you through this war we've named life. I'm just going to end this here because I could write on and on and on about everything, but I don't want to bore you. So uh.. Goodbye, I guess. Thanks for reading.